“ . . .and after a while, as you do, I started to wonder what he’d look like in bed.”
A line from a book I read a while ago. And the line stuck with me. The context was a discussion during business dinner between colleagues, a man and a woman. Seriously, is it commonplace to look at someone in the middle of a conversation and eventually wonder what they’d look like in bed?
. . .as you do?
. . .you do. As I have recently discovered.
I didn’t. For a long time.
Much of my life was on the back burner. I had a few big priorities and that was what I focused my energies on for all the right reasons. No regrets.
But now. . . .
Spring thaw after a long winter. That sounds cliché. And damp.
Waking from a long sleep. Sounds sluggish.
A reawakening. Brings to mind Georgia O’Keefe images and that’s a bit unsettling.
I’m not sure what this is, but it’s all of those things. And none of them.
I find myself watching a man walk across a room and noticing his jawline. I’ve decided that I have an interest in jawlines. Strong, defined, anvil-like jawlines.
And discovered an interest in rugby. Or at least rugby players. I know very little about rugby, but those men have thighs like no one else.
Or I watch a man move with confidence in a room, laugh easily with friends, or make eye contact with the barista. I watch. And I wonder. As you do.
I’m not very likely to just gawk at a guy on a beach, or watch him run or cycle by. Nor do I stare as he brings down an axe to split firewood. Tho I will admit to not having the chance to stare at that, or ignore it, often.
There’s a vibe that I am suddenly dialed into . . .
A guy that owns the room, a guy that moves with ease and grace, a guy that has a quiet strength about him . .. he’s a guy whose hands I look at and wonder what it would be like to be held by them.
The guy that bites his lower lip when he’s scrolling through his phone, unto himself in a crowded room, those are lips I wonder about kissing.
The guy who smiles at the barista has eyes I’d like to get lost in over drinks. I notice guys who have a smile that reaches their eyes. And I wonder . . . . as you do.
These are things I haven’t thought about or noticed or let myself wonder about for a long time.
And suddenly there is this sense of reconnecting with the world around me. Of looking up for the first time in a long time. Of seeing the world in color all of a sudden.
It’s less about wanting to be married. Good grief. . .
It’s more about wanting the person/moment/experience that lets me laugh out loud, to enjoy the playful energy of flirting. To experience the mmmmmmm of a kiss that leaves me breathless.
I want to let go of the club and just lean in, while he’s trying with all seriousness to help me with my golf swing.
I want a boat on a summer afternoon in a quiet, private cove . . .
Did you ever pack up your favorite possessions for a long time. And after a while nearly forget about them? Every now and then something makes you wonder if the box was lost or left behind, but you’ve nearly forgotten what was packed away anyway. You forget. As you do.
And then you find it again, you reconnect. You immerse yourself in the feelings you thought you had forgotten how to feel. You want to play again. Enjoy again. Live again.
Speaking of packing . . . I packed a lifetime of dating into a single year last year. . .and there were some moments that were filled with discovery. The guys, and their antics, left much to be . . .desired. But the thrill of exploration and discovery excused a lot . . .
You wonder, as you do . . .
Will he? Won’t he?